Bottle it up. Try and push it to the depths of consciousness.
Some things just do not lend well to talking about, especially when conjured from out of the blue. It is a foreign feeling that plagues the mind. You want to ask someone to hold you, but how can you ask when you feel weak for doing so? Profound weight presses down on your shoulders and grounds you at the time where you want to float away. Stuck. You are stuck. Stuck in the moment you heard. Stuck in the feeling of fear. Stuck with worry. Stuck with the burden of silently carrying what you know. You cannot forget this. It is part of you now. Worry. Fear. Sadness.
My lips are pressed together in a fake smile as I go about my day. My tongue is heavy with words that are hard to say. No matter how hard I try, I cannot speak about this. Most things are easier for me to verbalize but this is one of those things that is not mine to tell. It is not mine to feel fear over and crying would only make me look juvenile. It is not about me and I doubt expressing how I feel would earn me anything but annoyance. I could really use a hug right now, or some form of comfort, but I cannot bring myself to ask for it.
ORIGINALLY POSTED: http://www.coffeestainedtuesdays.com/2013/02/07/words-you-cannot-verbalize/
Hey, I know what you’re going through. I have an anxiety problem too, and am going to group therapy for it. I just wanted to say that bottling it up won’t make the worry go away. Time won’t heal it either. The peace you’re looking for comes from within, you just need to find out how to access it. Be here in the present moment. Find the small things that relax you, like breathing and focusing on the details of your surroundings. And most of all, find someone you can talk to about it. Once you conquer the fear of someone finding out, the rest will seem a lot less scary. This isn’t something you need to hide or be embarrassed about. Best of luck!